Wedding Gut

When it comes to my gut, I’ve never really listened to it that closely. I mean, there’s the gut that tells me that even though I ate the equivalent of two entrees at the Indian restaurant (plus naan) I still have room for frozen yogurt. I listen to that one.

But that other gut, the one that deals with instincts over appetite, we don’t really communicate. I’ve never considered myself “intuitive.” Wedding planning has changed that.

I have a lot to be thankful for, including being able to plan a wedding where I can explore options and try to create the day I have always dreamed about, thanks to the generosity of my parents.

But what I have noticed is that my “dream” wedding is, in reality, very different from what I had once thought it would be like.

Take location. “Every hotel ballroom looks the same.” That was a popular refrain of mine during the days/months/years of planning my hypothetical wedding. Once wedding planning became no longer just for the “One Day” Pinterest board, it was time to secure my hip, non-hotel downtown location.

“What do you mean that price doesn’t include linens?” This — and similar variations — became my new refrain. Downtown just wasn’t working. We were *this close* to signing at my dream downtown venue when JB and I went to Ohio to visit his family. As I showed his parents and others the location, it just felt… wrong. It was beautiful and what I had always envisioned, but quite frankly, it was going to be a pain in the ass. Not to mention, in the wallet. I called my parents on my way home from the airport and it turned out they were feeling the same way, though were tying to make it work for my dream and all. I think we all felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

Resigned to looking at hotels, my sister visited one in a Dallas suburb that puts other suburbs to shame with how much of a suburb it is. But it was PERFECT! The date, the price, the ease for our guests, the staff.  The skyline views aren’t there, and honestly, the ballroom is a hotel ballroom, but it has always felt right.

From the very first decision, the tone was set for wedding planning — just about everything I’ve chosen from dress to invitations has been different than what I thought I wanted — and for a new way of thinking. In that one decision, and after 34 years, I think it finally hit me: When you have that nagging feeling (good or bad) and you listen to it, you feel contentment, peace, and confidence with your decisions. When you ignore it, you maintain anxiety and unease. Not very complicated, obviously, but I have spent my whole life basically disregarding it. I have become more attentive to this gut and what it’s telling me at work, with friends, and just life in general (though sometimes still ignoring it because I’m stubborn like that).

And when it comes to wedding planning, I guess it’s the same gut feeling you get when you know you are with the person you want to marry. And in the end, that’s the only gut that really matters.

In what situations do you rely on gut feeling?

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18 responses to “Wedding Gut

  1. I learned to listen to my gut at work a lot. It comes in quite handy when assessing a patient–even if his vital signs were okay, sometimes I’d get a gut feeling that something was wrong, and I’d inform my supervisor, go over the patient’s history and generally hover until I found out the problem. My gut was right more often than not. I’ve also learned that most nurses are the same way after working for a while. So…yeah. :)

    • Thanks Kimmy! Yes, I can imagine in your line of work that gut instincts are very important — which is exactly reason no. 247 that I could never work in medicine and save people’s lives!

  2. Yay to another post! I think with gut feelings, it’s like with early pregnancy and kicking (sorry this is where all my metaphors come from now days), once you know to recognize the difference between baby movement and gas, you feel it all the time!

    • That is a great metaphor Ola. I didn’t think about it that way (not like I would think about baby movement and gas too oftern), but I think you are exactly right! Thanks for reading.

  3. First of all, HALLELUJAH my favorite blogger is back :). I still find it a challenge to listen to my gut without some reassurance! However, when it comes to most things, I feel I have a gut 1 and a gut 2 (gross sounding I know). Gut 1 is the angry/quick response gut and gut 2 is when the right solution comes along after the fuming reaction has calmed. Example: my mom “I don’t link how those flowers look on the tables for the wedding.” Gut 1: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. Gut 2 (a few deep yoga breaths later): Wait, I don’t like how the flowers look at all. Let the floral deciding start again… :)

    • Aw thanks Rach! Trying to get back on track. Very good point about the different guts. As you know, I tend to go with that initial, emotional gut as well. I need you to teach me some yoga breaths! Good luck with all things floral — I’m glad we get to go through these wedding decisions together :)

  4. Caryn, I am planning my son’s Bar Mitzvah – my gut is silent. I am going crazy and the party is in one month….

    • Hi Ariana, thanks for the comment. I can only imagine the stress of planning your son’s Bar Mitzvah, but I’m sure it will be wonderful and you, your son and your guests will have such a special and fun day! There will be no trace of the crazy you feel now and just joy. And as I have learned, the gut is usually there, we just might be ignoring it! Best of luck and mazel tov on the upcoming simcha!

  5. My wedding dress looked NOTHING like I thought it would. I ended up with a slim mermaid style instead of a big ball gown. But even 7 years later, I love, love, love, my wedding dress! I sorta wanna get it out and put it on. I wonder if it would fit…mmm…it’s probably best if it stays in the box. Glad the planning is going well!

    • Thanks!! Yes, my dress was completely different too… I’m still a little surprised with what I chose, but I love it nonetheless. I’m sure your dress would still look great on you!

  6. How wonderful that your plans are falling into place so beautifully. It’s going to be an amazing day.

  7. So glad you are back, Caryn! Have missed your always entertaining blogs! Also, you are totally right, that feeling is there for a reason and my wedding was nothing like I thought it would be but Shua and I still look at each other at random times and say “You know, I am really glad we did ____ when we got married. I love that.” It pays to focus on what you and JB want out of the day, in the end it will be what you remember most. So exciting!! (Oh, and as far as guts…watch out for the one that tells you ice cream really could solve the problem…it is USUALLY right, but can sometimes get a bit out of hand.)

    • Oh my gosh, I love the ice cream gut! We’re besties. Thanks A, I appreciate you reading and your thoughts. Your wedding day was beautiful so keep the advice coming!

  8. Great post! I agree that weddings really take the steam out of marriage. You are right that all hotel ballrooms look the same. I remember wanting something different but didn’t want to break the bank either. It’s good you’re listening to your gut. It will always steer you in the right direction.

  9. Caryn, if it were me who was going through the stress associated with planning a wedding, my gut would be in a lot of pain! Kudos to you for listening to your gut and keeping calm! In the end, it’s like you mention–being with the person you love is all that really matters. :)

    • Thanks Bella! It is definitely all that really matters and I have to keep that in perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want the big party (and my dress!) too, but that’s just for fun, not what will really be there at the end of it all. Thanks for your comment.

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